Sunday, July 26, 2009

I'm Not Cranky Dammit!!!!

This summer seems to be one of the most wonkiest in recorded history!! There are a number of places in the summer part of the world that are still stuck in early spring!! Then there are other parts that are merely a few steps north of hell ! :( There are even places say like Mazatlan Mexico that are in a steam bath with the knob stuck on the sweat like pigs setting!! :(
This morning on one of the expat forums someone had to remind us that the temp has been in the mid nineties. Oh I can hear you guys in Texas & Arizona from here. "What the nineties it's 106 here" "You don't even know heat" Well I beg to differ :) Our humidity has been hovering around 80% Soooooooooo my Southwestern Bloglandians that shoots the heat index up to oh about 119 degrees Ha so there!!!
Oh gosh I'm sorry I seem to be exhibiting a symptoms of one of our more contagious maladies. Well here let me try to explain. This is a note I sent to the forum this morning. I have reproduced it in it's entirety for educational purposes :)

This is an open explanation & apology from those of us that weather the Rainy Season to those who Don't :)
Along with the temperature and heat index rising you will also witness the phenomena of the Rising Cranky Index!! Or RCI as THEY in the world of Officialdom call it. (we all know that acronyms make anything truly official!!)

Generally speaking the Temp (T), HI (heat index for those of us in the Know) and RCI do not collide until about September. However this year it has appeared dreadfully early :( When this happens it creates a rather volatile condition, known again in Officialdom, as INCD. For those not in the officialdom loop that would be I'm Not Cranky Dammit!! :)

However this year the INCD seems to have moved in EARLY and apparently has set up "homesteading rights" known again in Of..okay okay you know already... as a Stall Pattern (SP) Because of this SP the RCI along with the T&HI are causing the INCD to critical mass (yep CM) When that happens the entire Mazatlan community, from La Cucaracha all the way up the food chain to Officialdom are plunged into, (dare I say it out loud??) the "Crankies"

The symptoms of the Crankies are easy to recognize.

1) The condensation of water on the outside of a glass,which then creates a stream that runs off the table into your lap begins to feel a bit like H2O torture :(

2) The victims will take at least 3 showers a day however their clothes are soaking wet all day

photo courtesy of Getty images

3) The baby powder, Gold Bond & corn starch disappear from the store shelves, while the victims are seen to be covered with white gooey globs adhering to those imaginary fat folds on their bodies 4) The city's supply of fans, air conditioners, or mini splits is completely diminished

photo courtesy of Buck family
5) The victims develop enormous cravings for liquid refreshments

6) They develop wonky skin rashes completely unidentified by modern science while the supply of hydrocortisone and anti-fungal creams are depleted

7) The city supply of cotton under garments and clothes is also completely diminished!!

8) The folks in the neighborhoods have moved their entire living rooms out to the side walk in the evenings hoping to catch anything resembling a breeze

9) The life saving "sweat rag" is always accessible, usually seen to match the victims outfit and sticking out of a back pocket or pocket book :)
10) Along with the sweat rag the lovely Dance of the Sweat Rags is perfected by all

11) The corners of their mouths seem to have developed a turned down appearance

12) The slightest thing can send them on a 10 minute tirade which will have been completely forgotten 7&1/2 minutes after the last harrumph is uttered

13) They become ill tempered, argumentative, irritable, seem to struggle to maintain a sense of humor, equilibrium, and rational thought processes.

14) Can be (even the most mild mannered) heard to utter some truly "watch what you say the kids will hear" words, at the slightest provocation

In conclusion "The We that Do" (TWTD) hear by offer "Those Who Don't" (TWD) our most sincere apology. In return we request a bit of tolerance for those enduring the "Crankies" due to the SP of the T,HI,&RCI which in turn is causing the INCD to reach CM :(

Pattie ;)
A victim of The "Crankies"
Have a most audacious today or tomorrow depending on where in the world you are ;)
PS Do you think if the side of the world suffering through summer were to move in mass th the side of the world having winter the earth might shift out of it's orbit??? Hmmmm just something to ponder I think :)


Tracy M. said...

OMG! That photo is priceless and so is your post today. Very Funny!
I really feel for you having to live in those conditions. I'd be beyond cranky if it were me. It's nice you can find some humor in your situation. Hope the heat wave is over soon.
Take Care,
Tracy M. ;-)

LW said...

Pattie forgot to mention the shirtless, helmetless motorcycle delivery guys with their sweat rag clenched in their teeth, blowing over their shoulder, as they tear hell-bent-for-leather down the street, weaving through the traffic.


sharon said...

You are too funny!!! Thanks for the compliment today Patti, you always have a great way with words!!

SummersStudio said...

You know, I think I may have many of those symptoms. Actually, I may have many of those symptoms without heat. But I do sympathize with you. At least in West TX it is dry when it's hot. So I'm magically wafting you a little arid. Until it gets there, maybe you should just fill the tub, crawl in, and stay there for a while. Like maybe until September.

Coastal Sisters said...

I am joining the cranky club. Menopause, migraines, vertigo and no air conditioning here is making me icky sicky! Even the pool water now feels like bath water! Pffffft!
It's just beyond me why they didn't put central air in 112 year old Victorian homes *shrug*

I had to laugh about LW posting about the delivery guys with their sweat rags in their mouths!

Love to you, LW and the Fur Babies!

Sharon said...

Oh I wish I had found this the other day when it hit 109 and I was trying to stain the logs on the house. Ack! I gave up and so did my heat pump. Ack again. But I just went into my studio and said this too will pass. Ha! Still hot but am adjusting. The elk are laying in our creek to cool off and that is a site to see. Hope you get a really nice breeze and things cool down for you. Keep your humor coming. I love it. Sharon on WA.

Anonymous said...


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