I'm Not Cranky Dammit!!!!

This summer seems to be one of the most wonkiest in recorded history!! There are a number of places in the summer part of the world that are still stuck in early spring!! Then there are other parts that are merely a few steps north of hell ! :( There are even places say like Mazatlan Mexico that are in a steam bath with the knob stuck on the sweat like pigs setting!! :(

This morning on one of the expat forums someone had to remind us that the temp has been in the mid nineties. Oh I can hear you guys in Texas & Arizona from here. "What the nineties it's 106 here" "You don't even know heat" Well I beg to differ :) Our humidity has been hovering around 80% Soooooooooo my Southwestern Bloglandians that shoots the heat index up to oh about 119 degrees Ha so there!!!

Oh gosh I'm sorry I seem to be exhibiting a symptoms of one of our more contagious maladies. Well here let me try to explain. This is a note I sent to the forum this morning. I have reproduced it in it's entirety for educational purposes :)

This is an open explanation & apology from those of us that weather the Rainy Season to those who Don't :)
Along with the temperature and heat index rising you will also witness the phenomena of the Rising Cranky Index!! Or RCI as THEY in the world of Officialdom call it. (we all know that acronyms make anything truly official!!)

Generally speaking the Temp (T), HI (heat index for those of us in the Know) and RCI do not collide until about September. However this year it has appeared dreadfully early :( When this happens it creates a rather volatile condition, known again in Officialdom, as INCD. For those not in the officialdom loop that would be I'm Not Cranky Dammit!! :)

However this year the INCD seems to have moved in EARLY and apparently has set up "homesteading rights" known again in Of..okay okay you know already... as a Stall Pattern (SP) Because of this SP the RCI along with the T&HI are causing the INCD to critical mass (yep CM) When that happens the entire Mazatlan community, from La Cucaracha all the way up the food chain to Officialdom are plunged into, (dare I say it out loud??) the "Crankies"

The symptoms of the Crankies are easy to recognize.

1) The condensation of water on the outside of a glass,which then creates a stream that runs off the table into your lap begins to feel a bit like H2O torture :(

2) The victims will take at least 3 showers a day however their clothes are soaking wet all day


photo courtesy of Getty images

3) The baby powder, Gold Bond & corn starch disappear from the store shelves, while the victims are seen to be covered with white gooey globs adhering to those imaginary fat folds on their bodies 4) The city's supply of fans, air conditioners, or mini splits is completely diminished

photo courtesy of Buck family

5) The victims develop enormous cravings for liquid refreshments

6) They develop wonky skin rashes completely unidentified by modern science while the supply of hydrocortisone and anti-fungal creams are depleted

7) The city supply of cotton under garments and clothes is also completely diminished!!

8) The folks in the neighborhoods have moved their entire living rooms out to the side walk in the evenings hoping to catch anything resembling a breeze

9) The life saving "sweat rag" is always accessible, usually seen to match the victims outfit and sticking out of a back pocket or pocket book :)

10) Along with the sweat rag the lovely Dance of the Sweat Rags is perfected by all

11) The corners of their mouths seem to have developed a turned down appearance

12) The slightest thing can send them on a 10 minute tirade which will have been completely forgotten 7&1/2 minutes after the last harrumph is uttered

13) They become ill tempered, argumentative, irritable, seem to struggle to maintain a sense of humor, equilibrium, and rational thought processes.

14) Can be (even the most mild mannered) heard to utter some truly "watch what you say the kids will hear" words, at the slightest provocation

In conclusion "The We that Do" (TWTD) hear by offer "Those Who Don't" (TWD) our most sincere apology. In return we request a bit of tolerance for those enduring the "Crankies" due to the SP of the T,HI,&RCI which in turn is causing the INCD to reach CM :(

Pattie ;)
A victim of The "Crankies"

Have a most audacious today or tomorrow depending on where in the world you are ;)

PS Do you think if the side of the world suffering through summer were to move in mass th the side of the world having winter the earth might shift out of it's orbit??? Hmmmm just something to ponder I think :)